after a not so successful day

Today was a very hard day for me. I've been struggling with exhaustion and tiredness...I guess now that we are finally settling in our new home and our new city, I realize how much energy those past weeks and months have taken out of me. And my only dream right now is to be able to lay in bed for a whole day and do nothing. I love my children, but sometimes - lately very often - I wish I could just have some quiet time for myself with no one constantly wanting something from me. There are times I feel like a robot who is only here to please others. Who ever asks what I want? What I would like? I guess that is part of dying to yourself...I am so thankful that Jesus LIVES in me, and this dying part is not the end, but the beginning. I have no clue how mothers do it without this hope in Jesus!
This morning I was very tired again, although Jeremy let me sleep in a bit longer. When I got up I wanted to get Joela dressed for church (we've been looking at different churches here), but - as usual - it ended up being a huge drama of what Joela wanted to wear, or didn't want to wear. Something snapped inside of me and suddenly I found myself screaming and shouting and acting exactly like I always tell my children not to. I was shocked by myself, disappointed by myself and most of all ashamed. What kind of example am I to my children when I loose it like that??
I was able to apologize to Joela afterwards, also trying to make it clear, that she has got to listen to mommy (-it did feel wrong though to say that so shortly after I acted like a lunatic...). Anyways, sitting at church about 45 minutes later I looked at my three girls and I felt so unworthy of being a mom to them. Who am I to teach them about the dignity of womanhood, to comunicate to them the deep love Jesus has for us women? Especially when these are all areas in my life I struggle with so much? I often feel so unable to point them towards Jesus, when I hardly find the time to spend moments with him myself.
As I was about to loose myself in fear and self-pity, I listened to the song that was just sung at this church, 'Jesus sees when you fall, and he will pick you up again.'
Can it really be that He handpicked me to raise these three beautiful girls to love and adore him? That they will one day follow him with all of their hearts, wanting to make a difference in this world? Oh, this is my deepest desire...to see my girls grow to love our Lord.
Thank you, Jesus, that it is not just up to me. If it were, it would fail. But you are joining me! You won't leave me alone with the task you have assigned me to. You will make sure we succeed, because it is so much closer to your heart than it can ever be to mine.
Thank you for giving me a new beginning every day, every hour, every minute, every second. I can always start over again, thanks to your grace. I can always trust you, for you are good. And you want the best for me and my girls. Thank you, that I can lift them up to your throne. Thank you that you care for them more than I ever could. Thank you for helping me carry the huge responsibility of motherhood.