It's only 3 days away - on Monday we'll pack the last few things and drive down to Augsburg on Monday night. Today Joela said good bye to her kindergarten teachers and I was in tears watching them.
This whole day has been so emotional, and I am kind of surprised by it! I didn't expect at all to cry one single tear, because the last 3 years that we lived here were the most difficult and most challenging of my life so far.
I don't want to go into detail, but God stretched me beyond anything I could have ever imagined and I had to leave my comfort zones more than some people do in a lifetime. I was shaken by disappointment. I was driven by fear. I was cast down by loneliness. God led me into the deepest depths of my soul. The kind of place you can't go to unless you are led there. I realized things about myself that at first made me even more unsecure than I already am anyways. At times I had no idea who I was anymore. God stripped away the securities I had built up to protect myself, to somehow make it through this life - and showed me gently, but firmly that there is MORE to life, than what I had thought. There is MORE to being a wife, than what I had known. There is MORE to parenting, than I felt myself capable of. There is MORE to relationships, than what I had myself allowed to engage in. There is LIFE beyond my insecurities. There is ADVENTURE beyond my fears. There is a VISION beyond my horizon. God has shown me how limited my life has been. Limited because of hurt and disappointment in the past. Limited because I didn't dare to ask for more.
Now after these 3 painful years, I am ready to move on. Maybe God had to bring me back to the places of my childhood to show me what went wrong, and how to make a right out of the wrong. How to let go. How to move on. How to become the woman HE had in my mind when He created me. Now I long for nothing more than to keep moving forward...'forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.'(Phil. 3:13)...
This move to Augsburg is not just a change of places. It's not just because of Jeremy's job. It is because of Him leading us to green pastures and quiet waters. To an oasis after years in the desert. It is His love song sung over our lives, that He is in control no matter what.
Our time here in Hof was His plan for us. Augsburg is just as much His plan for us.
Once again I have to think of our wedding verse:
'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11
I'm so glad that you wrote this in English! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Inka. It sounds like you have experienced so much- I wish I knew more about it. Thanks for your honesty- I'll be praying that this move and new town are amazing blessings!
ReplyDeleteLauren, thank you so much for your prayers! They are greatly appreciated. =)
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing well. The pictures of your new home are great! You do such a wonderful job choosing colors for the walls.
Maybe one of these days we'll be able to meet up again and have a girl talk like we did at Isaac's, remember? That was a few weeks before you got married. =)
I would love to tell you my story and hear all about yours!
I do remember! I really wish we could see each other again- I know we'd understand each other so well :)
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